Fat bastard Chardonnay 2008

(This essay is a “tasting story” of my experience with this wine)

I sat at the dinner table, highly anticipating to meet my friend’s fiance. I had heard only one thing about him from other friends: that he was a big fellow (people always managed to wink while saying this). My friend was so happy, I was just happy for her, but I wondered what this guy would be like.

If first impressions are important, mine was terrible, because I smelled him before I even saw him. It was this awful, acrid smell of sweaty feet soaked permanently into a sponge. I was not surprised when he shuffled up to us, wearing flip flops that exposed his huge toes. I wrinkled my nose and almost had to leave the table– that is how nauseating it was– but I didn’t want to hurt my friend’s feelings. His appearance wasn’t so great either.

‘Hi,’ he said. Unlike his gigantic stature, he had very small voice and pale white skin, which made him kind of look like the Michelin tire man. He was quiet at first while my friend blabbed on about how they first met, and I was fortunate enough to be served some spaghetti with tomato sauce and forgot about the smell of his feet. He just sat there eating quietly and looking at my friend in a silly way like a devoted dumb puppy. But then I decided to turn the conversation to him.

‘What do you do for a living?’

‘I study caves.’

‘What kind of caves?’ (that would explain why he’s so pale, I thought.)

‘Not really the type of caves, but the cave formations. The beautiful crystalline formations that you see in caves are caused by calcite. Do you know about stalactites and stalagmites?’

I nodded yes.

‘Well, we’ve found in our research that enriched acidic water enters a dry cavern and precipitates the calcite, which causes stalactites and stalagmites, and other cave formations…’

He went on for at least 10 minutes. I did not necessarily like him more for his enthusiasm but became somewhat used to the smell and more respectful of his knowledge of caves.

Thierry & Guy/ Fat bastard/ Chardonnay

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